Do open relationships really work? Let’s find out.

Here’s the information you need to register for the web seminar series on open relationships.

The seminars are being held:
- Tuesday, June 24th, 12:30pm, (PST) Topic: Communication Skillbuilding - Part 1
- Wednesday, June 25th, 12:30pm, (PST). Topic: Is This Right For Me?
- Thursday, June 26th, 12:30pm, (PST). Topic: Communication Skillbuilding - Part 2
(if you can’t attend, as long as you’ve registered, you’ll get the downloadable audio file)

Only 15 total spaces are available so that everyone has a chance to ask questions of the expert. The Priority List nabbed all the spots, but I’ve received the ok for 6 more.

Watch this video for all the details now!

Gay open relationships are a really difficult topic for many couples. Clearly, an open relationship is right for some couples, and not right for others. Given so much pain caused by this topic (see below) we’re putting together a web seminar series for you.

In preparation for our seminar series on this topic, we conducted a survey of your major concerns. Here’s what you told us:

1. Is this right for me?…

• “My top fear is that my boyfriend wants to have an open relationship and I don’t want this. I’m trying to be “relaxed” but any time I think about him with another I feel just terrible.”

2. How do you maintain emotional monogamy:

• Is the key to open relationships to hold onto a sense of emotional monogamy with your committed partner and allowing the additional partners to be respectful playmates?
• Can one remain emotionally faithful to your partner while sleeping with other people?

3. How do you establish rules around this issue?…

• “Rules about what is/is not off limits (no friends, no repeats, no ex’s?)”
• “What are the alternatives to an open relationship? Is it the only alternative to sexual boredom that’s out there and if not what else is on the menu?”
• “Is it a “natural” progression for gay relationships?”
• “How can you “close” your open relationship if it turns out that this arrangement doesn’t work for you”

Do you have any opinions on this issue? Give us a comment below if so.

Esther Rothblum, a professor of Women’s Studies at San Diego State University, coauthored a fascinating study completed in January, 2008. She, and another associated study found:

• Same sex partners are generally happier than their straight siblings who married.
• Gay couples take larger risks to live openly, thus they must work harder to stay together. By working harder to stay together, they end up creating happier relationships.
• Same sex couples automatically experience a greater sense of compatibility, possibly due to the fact that less “translation” is needed between the sexes. (Basically, when your partner is of the same sex as you, he/she is already at a communication advantage, as compared to heterosexual couples.)
• Same sex couples are: 
  • more honest with each other about monogamy and sex
  • more mature, considerate, and fair to each other
  • more funny and affectionate when they argue
  • less controlling
  • take things less personally

   

What do you think? Do you agree with these findings in your relationship?

Another study, by San Francisco local researcher Robert-Jay Green, PhD, in the Journal of Homosexuality, reported the same thing, but with a unique slant: There’s a growing body of research that shows that the partner who makes more moneyhas more power in the relationship. But, same sex couples tend to have similar incomes, so there’s less need to struggle over power.

Gay Couples Institute Research Team

What does the research say about monogamous gay male relationships?

Many people assert arguments such as, ‘Men weren’t designed to have one partner, they’re biologically built procreate as often and as much as possible’.

But the biological argument often contradicts scientific research in developmental psychology showing that children are happier and healthier when raised by two loving parents. It then follows that to have two loving parents in a child’s life on a continuous basis, it’s best that they are in a committed monogamous relationship.

So what’s the right answer?

A researcher at the University of Windsor, Ontario, conducted a fascinating study examining gay male monogamy.

What he found was that:

1. Monogamous value systems were most often present in:
   • Younger gay couples
   • Men new to gay relationships
   • Men whose younger years were spent in cultures with little exposure to same-sex life

2. More common was an “allegiance” to masculine values of adventure and autonomy, and this extended to sexual life. Non-monogamy was often an assertion of sexual self-determination.

What do you think?

Monogamous values are more present in younger couples, but could it be that as gay men come out at younger ages, and as homosexuality is more accepted by the larger population, the interest in ’sexual self-determination’ will decrease?

- Gay Couples Institute Research Team

Relationship Innovation in Male Couples. Adam, Barry D.; Sexualities, Vol 9(1), Feb 2006. pp. 5-26.