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Why do we fall in love?

Updated: Mar 25


Why do we fall in love? Does it always have to be intense, or is the lack of intensity actually a signal that it’s not going to work out? Check out our latest "Hear Me Out!" episode to discover what science knows about the process of falling in love, and what to do if you’re not feeling it.


After seeing 3000 same-sex couples at our Institute, I can tell you one HUGE consistency among everyone who approached us for help.


Once you understand this you can start implementing easy changes immediately.

Couples who approach us for help with their relationship consistently can identify a point in their relationship where they put it on autopilot, and stopped proactively attending to it.

Relationships are a job.

They are work.

The advantage of accepting this fact is that you now can get better at the job, or you can choose to get worse at it.


Alapaki and I have gone through periods where we've had to immerse ourselves in our jobs, or family problems, and tending to the marriage goes on the back burner.

We're right there with ya, and we do this professionally!


The good news is that there are several main components to easily turn off the autopilot button.


And they're usually FUN, and often remind couples of what it felt like to be dating.


All of these components are now in Step 8: Become friends - Proactively Work on your Friendship and Connection


When you understand what is happening in the body when you meet someone special, it becomes easy to see why your body actually doesn't like the state of falling in love and works to get you back to "normal."


Often reigniting your friendship can be lots of fun.

But it needs to be parter of a larger plan to also become better physical lovers, create a long term vision together, and make inevitable conflicts that come up along the way into productive discussions.


If you'd like some help with designing a specific plan for yourself, reach out to us here:


If you'd like to become better friends, grab some time on our calendars!


Hope to talk to you soon,

Sam & Alapaki


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