Updated: Nov 13, 2019
I recently encountered a couple that had a unique dream. On partner, who we'll call Tim, wanted to climb to the top of Machu Picchu. Last year Tim went to the top Mount Everest. Two years before that they both went to Switzerland. Tim was on top of the Alps in no time. His partner, Matt, told me, "I don't think there's one cell in my body that wants to go to the top of Machu Picchu."
They both talked about how they made Tim's life dream come true. According to Tim, "Through our years together we have not always seen eye to eye about this issue. Matt really resented how expensive my 'mountain climbing', as he called it, costs. He also resented the time it took me away from home."
"So how did you make it work?" I asked.
"We just kept talking about it. We also stopped talking about it when it got too intense. At some points we were doing more damage than good. He started listening to my dream somewhere along the way. Then this made it easy to listen to his dream, which was one of safety. When we had those two concepts to work with, mountain climbing and safety, it was much easier to tackle.
The issue this couple faced fell within the 6th level of the Sound Relationship House theory that we use for our gay couples counseling program. That level is called “Make Life Dreams Come True”.
For the 3000 couples that went through the initial research to create that theory, those who worked to find even small ways to make one another's dreams come true were happier and lasted longer than those who did not.