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Those REALLY BAD Fights

Did you know that gay couples are kinder to one another when they argue or fight, when compared to straight couples? It's true, and several recent research studies are all pointing in this direction.

This said, whether you're gay or straight, no one likes to get into an awful argument with their partner.

What defines awful? When you figure out the answer to this question, you'll know more clearly what to avoid.

Several articles ago highlighted how Criticism works. Basically, it's talking to your partner with any sense of blame. It's very natural for people to get defensive when blamed, no matter how right you are.

But really bad fights often have Contempt, which is taking criticism to a whole new level. Not only are you criticizing your partner, but you feel that there's something wrong with their character, or that they're inferior.

Contempt is:

  • Name calling

  • Belligerence (including hostile questioning of your partner's actions)

  • Eye rolling (which communicates disgust or inferiority of the speaker)

  • Sarcasm

Contempt also happens to be the largest predictor of happy or unhappy relationships, and John Gottman, the country's leading researcher, discovered that contempt is highly correlated with divorce. In fact, it's so highly correlated with divorce, you can bet on it.

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