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Tips for Gay Relationships: Asking for What You Need

Updated: Nov 13, 2019

Couples often forget **how** to regularly ask for what they need and want. The common way they complicate this simple task is by adding what they *don't* want or need.

  • "I need you to ask me about my day" becomes "Why don't you ever ask me about my day anymore?"

  • "I'd really like some one-on-one time with you tonight" becomes "Why are you always on your phone???"

  • "I was really hoping that dinner would be in the works by the time I got home tonight" becomes "Why do I do all the cooking around here?"

To build this skill, add this simple question to your weekly State of the Union discussion. (All of our couples in our gay couples counseling clinic finish the program by building this as a weekly ritual in their own unique way.)


  • "What is one thing I can do to be a better partner for you this coming week?"

When phrased like this, it sets up a ritual of asking for needs in a positive manner. Couples who use this format avoid the situations above. They develop the confidence that their needs will be addressed at a time when cool heads will prevail.

For help implementing this habit, schedule a consultation with our clinical staff. We've helped about 200 gay couples per year since 2007.