© 2007-2020  Gay Couples Institute - All Rights Reserved

  • Admin

Tips for Gay Relationships: Are You A Stonewaller

Updated: Nov 13, 2019

We've been posting about the four conflict styles couples should try their best to avoid. Today we want to go further into STONEWALLING.


Have you ever had someone hang up the phone as an act of passive aggression?

Ever had someone slam the door on you?


Ever had your partner say: "Oh just do it your way. I'm FINE. I don't care. Then they prevent further discussion?


STONEWALLING is the act of putting up a wall in order to subtly punish your partner. What's amazing about Stonewalling, though, is that when you measure the stonewaller's physiology, their heart rate is elevated, and their body is releasing stress hormones. We now understand that Stonewallers are actually trying to calm their body down by avoiding the situation.

When interactions get rough, your natural human inclination will be to fight, or run away (fight/flight). The antidote to this is for the Stonewaller to utilize whatever means necessary to calm their body down. For some it's playing on a cell phone, taking a walk, going for a jog, etc. For most humans, it's simply taking large breaths for about 20 minutes.

What's your technique?