Updated: Nov 13, 2019
This is one of the more common complaints that we hear from our readers about a spouse or partner.
"She only hears her side of the story."
"He refuses to understand how I feel about the issue."
Sound familiar? Sure. It's part of being human. But ideally it is kept at a minimum.
I recently started to think a little bit differently about this problem. I wanted to ask you, how patient are you being with one another when you talk about the topics that are important? Are you trying to have these conversations in the middle of driving, texting, multitasking, etc?
It's nearly impossible to have an important talk about something that could easily become heated and volatile while chaos is going on around you.
Couples that last three decades or more seem to have the habit of waiting for the right moment to bring up critical topics. They choose a time when both are already in a good mood. And they also choose a time when a good chunk of time exists to listen to one another.
If you find yourself saying, upon reading this, "I've already done that." My suggestion is to try again, and find a moment when you're both already in good spirits.
If that goes poorly, then it's time to take a look at the next level of the interaction, specifically focusing on how you brought up the topic. Topics that are brought up with criticism, or any kind of harsh start up, finish that way about 90% of the time.
(Even more) Patience.
You’ll get there.