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Your Top Relationship Concerns?

Two quick questions:

  1. What are your top two relationship desires? 

  2. Do you have any suggestions about topics we should cover in coming workshops or seminars? 

We've been asking gay couples these questions for months now; below are many of the responses. Post your answers in the comments below. We read your suggestions to come up with new methods to help couples keep their relationship strong. Thanks!

50 Comments Received So Far... »

  1. Coming out to your parents and introducing your new boyfriend. How do you do this?Comment by Not out yet — April 7, 2008 @ 1:31 pm

  2. Is it cheating when your boyfriend flirts and chats with other guys online? How do I make that work with him?Comment by AG — April 9, 2008 @ 10:56 am

  3. How do I stop judging my boyfriend and appreciate him? How do I deal w my attraction to other people?   Comment by anon — April 16, 2008 @ 12:08 pm

  4. 1. How can I promote better communication with my partner?2. How can we nip conflicts in the bud? How can we prevent getting to the place where we lose control and possibly say things that we would later regret?Comment by Anonymous — April 19, 2008 @ 12:12 pm

  5. Sharing finances when you make considerably more than your boyfriend.Comment by Vic — April 22, 2008 @ 4:17 pm

  6. I hate my girlfriend’s ex but love my girl, how can I get her to get out of our life without getting my girl upset?Comment by Georgia — April 29, 2008 @ 7:07 pm

  7. With more and more people meeting online through the multiple websites out there, are we not socializing in ‘real time’ anymore? I would like to ask an expert how technology impacts our current and future social behavior.Comment by ST — April 30, 2008 @ 3:06 pm

  8. Sexual exploration: What the bleep?! My girlfriend just told me she is into kink.Comment by Surprised! — May 1, 2008 @ 9:18 am

  9. What to do when the sex part of your relationship does not satisfy you at all.Things you’re used to do sexually, you’re limited with your present bf because his sex drive is not the same as yours?How to experiment with opening the relationship.Comment by jj133 — May 2, 2008 @ 9:18 am

  10. I’m walking into a relationship where my girlfriend already has kids. I’m not sure how this is all going to work. How do you make it work?Comment by Elle — May 4, 2008 @ 9:11 am

  11. Managing long distance relationshipsComment by tty — May 5, 2008 @ 8:12 am

  12. I would like to know how risky it is to be dating someone who just got out of a long-term relationship. Am I his rebound? What do I do to make sure we do the work upfront to make it last?Comment by Franklin — May 9, 2008 @ 7:09 am

  13. How do you make sure both people are on the same page when you decide to open the relationship? Do they even work? How do you set boundaries? Is it basically “cheating”?Comment by Anonymous — May 10, 2008 @ 12:19 pm

  14. How do you navigate through the challenges of dating someone who is HIV+ when you are HIV-?Comment by Dave — May 13, 2008 @ 12:47 pm

  15. Overcoming your partner’s cheating … can we still stay together?Comment by Tony — May 16, 2008 @ 1:35 pm

  16. What’s the best way to confront your partner with a suspicion of cheating?Comment by Kyle — May 20, 2008 @ 12:36 pm

  17. what tips can you give me on how to make time for your boyfriends friends. i’m committed for the long haul, but i don’t want to be seen as the guy who stole his boyfriend away from all his friends.Comment by SD — May 20, 2008 @ 4:17 pm

  18. Suggestions 2, 3, and 4 are my favorites — especially resolving conflicts before geting to the ‘explosion’ part.I also catch myself judging him, then judging myself for judging him. How do I get past judging either of us? And how do I distinguish negative judgements from reasonable assessments?Comment by WantItToWork — May 21, 2008 @ 12:47 am

  19. -How to talk about money when we do not share finances yet there is an inbalance in income-Addressing issues of open relationship versus monogamy. Safe sex in HIV-/HIV+ relationshipComment by In NY — May 21, 2008 @ 6:55 am

  20. My boyfriend has kids from a previous marriage, and is unsure as to whether he wants to have more with me. How have other couples worked through such an issue?Comment by TryingHard — May 22, 2008 @ 8:00 am

  21. My longtime partner and I want to stay together but are struggling. He refuses to be faithful to me because he has ‘fallen in love’ with a second man in addition to me and their relationship is also sexual. That alone nearly pushed me to suicide in recent months but I am somewhat less despairing now. Meanwhile, I am faithful to him and am waiting for him to end the other relationship, which he says often is right about to end. Also, I am the sole breadwinner but he manages our household finances and is now hiding from me virtually every detail of them — in part, I suspect, because he might be lavishing money from my paycheck on his boyfriend. Am I a fool to try to salvage this relationship and hope my partner might become again the man I committed my life to? Should I be patient and let him get this all out of his system so he can move forward in his life in a positive way?Comment by Anonymous — May 27, 2008 @ 11:11 am

  22. I’ve personally known a few couples with open relationships that seemed to be some of the most loving and caring relationships around. Is it just me, or do open relationships occur more frequently with men? If so, any ideas why? If an individual in a couple does not feel comfortable with opening their relationship, does this reflect insecurities, issues of control, or could they just be old-fashioned?Comment by Sarah — May 28, 2008 @ 6:51 am

  23. My partner and I just ended our eight-year relationship. I’ve been in other relationships that ended after 1-2 years, and this break-up has me reeling. Most break-up columns and advice seem to be directed toward shorter-term relationships. Is there really a difference in a break-up after a couple of years and a break-up after almost a decade?Comment by Matthew — June 10, 2008 @ 3:01 pm

  24. I’m 63 years old. My partner is 74 years old. We’ve been together for eight months and our relationship is loving, exciting, and sexually amazing. We’ve both been out for over 30 years. We find it aggravating that very little attention is given to the relationships of Lesbians of our age unless the couple has been together for eons. We’d like to see any topic relating to older women newly in love. P.S. Some of us still look hot in a bikini!Comment by admin — June 27, 2008 @ 6:29 am

  25. My suggestion: sexual addiction, addiction to porn, using the internet effectively to find men to date, being real/open/honest on internet chat sites, public displays of affection, being an out couple at work, dealing with homophobic or unsupportive familyComment by admin — July 3, 2008 @ 6:30 am

  26. Dealing with unaccepting parents…Comment by Vegas — August 5, 2008 @ 11:50 am |

  27. Couple in 25 yr rel…sexual habits of long termers and open vs. monag. Comment by Long Term — August 5, 2008 @ 11:51 am |

  28. What about a topic around what to do if you think you’re falling out of love with your boyfriend. Comment by Out of Towner who would fly in — August 5, 2008 @ 1:54 pm |

  29. My girlfriend gets angry a lot and quickly. All our talks end in an argument. I’m not sure how to talk to her without it always escalating. How do I talk to her without her getting so angry all the time? Comment by Liv — August 5, 2008 @ 2:04 pm |

  30. I find myself constantly beating girlfriends to everything… in other words, I have to be the first at everything. I know I’m trying to control things… I’ll organize and clean, I’ll have the best way to do things, I’ll be the most thoughtful, I’ll never forget important dates and info when she does… I know I do this to secretly feel superior. How can I stop the insanity?!! I hate the feeling I get when I catch myself and the appreciation she expresses never feels deserved. I thinks she and I BOTH resent me! Do I have to talk to her about this?!! And admit I’m a headcase? OR can I just manage it better? Comment by control~freaque — August 6, 2008 @ 8:44 pm |

  31. How can couples navigate the pitfalls of opening up their relationship sexually and emotionally?

  32. What are some techniques for re-igniting the passion once it’s lost in a relationship? How to move from apathy to re-engagement? Comment by Michael — August 7, 2008 @ 8:20 am |

  33. I have been in a relationship for a year in a half in which both I and my partner are tops. He tried being bottom a couple of times and could not go through with it. He is psychologically distressed by the mere thought of it. To be clear, he has legitimate reasons for feeling this way and so I do not blame him for his refusal. I am not so distressed by the thought of bottoming, so I am always the bottom in our relationship. I do get some enjoyment out of bottoming for him because of the joy I feel just being with him, but I often feel sexually frustrated by the desire to top which I can no longer satisfy and which is to me more enjoyable. I often feel that I ought to just end it with him and seek someone with whom I am more sexually compatible, but then again I love him so much I feel guilty for even considering breaking up over something like this. But I wonder if I might not be happier in the long run if I ended it and found someone with whom to form a relationship with a strong emotional attachment like the one I have now but which is also not accompanied by sexual frustration. What should I do?! Comment by LD — August 12, 2008 @ 9:09 am |

  34. Can you cover some good boundry and healthy (if there is such a thing) guide lines for having an open relationship. My Partner is kinda pushing for this I’m not sure it’s the way to go. Thanks. Comment by GG in SF — August 13, 2008 @ 3:08 pm |

  35. We need to contribute better to mutual responsibilities, and just find more partnership. Comment by GR — September 7, 2008 @ 8:33 am |

  36. Financial stability, how to have Better sex Comment by Tony D — September 19, 2008 @ 8:16 am |

  37. Have better sex Learn to communicate better Comment by me — September 22, 2008 @ 8:17 am |

  38. sexual desire/passion, and increasing intimacy. it used to be good but changed. Comment by 311girl — September 28, 2008 @ 8:18 am |

  39. Learn communication better. How to have sex in our relationship again. These would be top two things I’d like to see happen. Comment by SFBAC — October 1, 2008 @ 8:19 am |

  40. We need to stop arguing, and learn to communicate. Seriously. Comment by stop it! — October 3, 2008 @ 8:22 am |

  41. If I could have two things, it’d be to stop arguing, and see more affection. Comment by LAsportsclub — October 4, 2008 @ 8:23 am |

  42. I want to get the support I need to finish a career. I want to be able to let my feelings out and demonstrate them to my partner. Comment by OffTrack — October 7, 2008 @ 1:24 am |

  43. I’d like better sex, and even an open relationship. We’re lacking an ability to emotionally/spiritually communicate. I’m getting tired of it all. Comment by anonymousdude — October 9, 2008 @ 11:25 am |

  44. Trust and support. Comment by not me — October 11, 2008 @ 8:25 am |

  45. We need to stop arguing. learn how to trust. Recover from affair. Comment by fresnosucks — October 13, 2008 @ 4:26 am |

  46. have better sex and stop arguing Comment by north bay TTY — October 14, 2008 @ 7:26 am |

  47. Stop all the arguing and anger toward one another. Learn to communicate better with one another better and really undertand what the other person is saying and why they are saying or feeling the way that they do. Comment by DowntownSFguy — October 20, 2008 @ 12:27 pm |

  48. 1 mutual respect, 2 better communication Comment by castro76522 — October 26, 2008 @ 3:27 am |

  49. We need long term relationship fidelity. We’re both stepping out on this relationship and not talking about it. Comment by this isn't working — October 28, 2008 @ 8:33 am |

  50. Better sex when dealing with different libidos/interests. Focusing attention toward each other vs looking outside. Trust. Honesty. Jealousy. Aging and its impact on our relationship. Comment by Castroguy — October 28, 2008 @ 9:29 am |