In 2000, Vermont was the first state to legalize same-sex relationships, so that heterosexual and same-sex couples had the same legal rights. Published in February in Developmental Psychology was the first longitudinal study completed to examine same-sex couples in civil unions.
Researchers had 65 male and 138 female couples participate in the follow up study. Where do you think they are now? Are they still together?
They were compared with 23 male and 61 female same-sex couples not civil unionized, as well as being compared to 55 heterosexual couples.Of the 65 male and 138 female couples available to participate in the study:
- Same-sex couples not in civil unions were more likely to have separated.
- Same-sex couples (both unionized and not) reported lower levels of conflict, and greater levels of compatibility, intimacy and relationship quality than heterosexual couples.
- Having less conflict, as well as greater levels of outness, correlated with relationship happiness for male couples at the 3yr follow up.
- Having less conflict and having more frequent sex correlated with relationship happiness forfemale couples at the 3yr follow up.
So what could this mean?
- A formal commitment, recognized by the state, apparently helps same-sex couples stay together (at least at 3yr follow up).
- Working on your relationship helps; Improving your compatibility and working to decrease conflict with your partner increases the quality of your relationship. The Gay Couples Institute believes that couples therapy using the Gottman Method is probably the smartest vehicle to decrease conflict and improve intimacy.
- Being out significantly helps male couples. Talk about the pros/cons of this with your partner.
- Having frequent sex significantly helps female couples. Ladies, keep your sex life in good shape.
This educational information is not a tool for self-diagnosis or a substitute for professional care. Each persons’ situation is unique. GCI suggests that you personally consult a trusted professional prior to making changes in your relationship using this article or other advice. The Gay Couples Institute is committed to your success and is here for you.
Sincerely,
The Gay Couples Institute Research Team
www.GayCouplesInstitute.org
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Balsam, Kimberly F.; Beauchaine, Theodore P.; Rothblum, Esther D.; Developmental Psychology, Vol 44(1), Jan 2008. pp. 102-116.
What does the research say about monogamous gay male relationships?
Many people assert arguments such as, ‘Men weren’t designed to have one partner, they’re biologically built procreate as often and as much as possible’.
But the biological argument often contradicts scientific research in developmental psychology showing that children are happier and healthier when raised by two loving parents. It then follows that to have two loving parents in a child’s life on a continuous basis, it’s best that they are in a committed monogamous relationship.
So what’s the right answer?
A researcher at the University of Windsor, Ontario, conducted a fascinating study examining gay male monogamy.
What he found was that:
- Monogamous value systems were most often present in:
- Younger gay couples
- Men new to gay relationships
- Men whose younger years were spent in cultures with little exposure to same-sex life
- More common was an “allegiance” to masculine values of adventure and autonomy, and this extended to sexual life. Non-monogamy was often an assertion of sexual self-determination.
What do you think?
Monogamous values are more present in younger couples, but could it be that as gay men come out at younger ages, and as homosexuality is more accepted by the larger population, the interest in ’sexual self-determination’ will decrease?
- Gay Couples Institute Research Team
Relationship Innovation in Male Couples. Adam, Barry D.; Sexualities, Vol 9(1), Feb 2006. pp. 5-26.
Sometimes it’s really difficult to meet other gay couples.
The bar scene doesn’t always work well. Couples often complain that while in a bar or club they’ll meet someone, thinking that person might be a good friend to them both. Then it quickly becomes obvious that the new guy actually is hoping for a three-way, not interested in friendship at all.
Have you had the same experience?
Other times single friends pull away from couples because they a) are tired of hearing about how in love you are, or b) are tired of watching you nag each other all the time.
One growing organization dedicated to connecting gay couples with each other is www.Meetgaycouples.com. Their ‘about’ page is kind of cool:
- “We know first hand that it’s often difficult for gay couples to meet other gay couples. We tried various internet groups and websites, but came to realize they’re mostly just a marketplace for porn sites, mortgages and erectile dysfunction aids.”
Go make some new friends! Check them out and let us know what you think.
- Gay Couples Institute Research Team
Just coming out?
Maybe this article will be good for you to read.
Researchers at the University of Kentucky in Lexington surveyed over 500 gay men and women, inquiring about the positive aspects of being gay. Up until now, most of the research has focused on psychopathology, or negative mental health problems associated with being gay or lesbian.
But many gays and lesbians will tell you that there are positive aspects of such a life. In fact, they found 10 universal themes:
- Belonging to a community
- Creating families of choice
- Forging strong connections with others
- Serving as positive role models
- Developing empathy and compassion
- Living authentically and honestly
- Gaining personal insight and sense of self
- Involvement in social justice and activism
- Freedom from gender-specific roles
- Freedom to explore sexuality and relationships
What are some positive aspects you’ve noticed for yourself?
Many gays and lesbians enjoy the lack of “rules” about how to live one’s life. Some would argue that heterosexuals are raised to start dating in their teens, marry in their 20’s, and have children by age 30. The in-laws often start dropping the hint that they want a grandchild if you’re approaching 40 and haven’t had a child, right?
Nevertheless, gays and lesbians get to choose whether this life is right for them, and this freedom opens up possibilities for a happier life.
- Gay Couples Institute Research Team
The positive aspects of being a lesbian or gay man. Riggle, Ellen D. B.; Whitman, Joy S.; Olson, Amber; Professional Psychology: Research and Practice, Vol 39(2), Apr 2008. pp. 210-217.
