So, we’ve been talking about something, and we wanted your feedback. Over the last year, my staff and I have been working on an enormous project.
We’ve been taking all of the:
- facts and information we’ve learned over the last 3 years about what makes successful gay couples work…
- all of the research,
- all of the lessons we’ve learned first hand from years of gay couple counseling, and…
- the relationship teachings from the most reputed relationship expert in the world, John Gottman…
And we wanted to put it together in one place so that you could have access everything that makes relationships work long-term.
As you can read on our blog, couples are in a lot of pain. They’re frustrated mainly about lack of communication, mistrust, and recurring arguments.
So we want to help couples get out of this pain, and we’d like you to tell us the ideal format you’d like to receive this information.
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Thanks for voting on our poll. If you’d like to see the results, and get the first opportunity to get your hands on the project we’re putting together, just enter your email here:
http://www.gaycouplesinstitute.org/video.htm
Do same sex couples tend to get along better? I’ll be on radio KSVY 91.3 in Sonoma talking about this at 2pm PST. I plan on reviewing the below two excellent studies.
Esther Rothblum, a professor of Women’s Studies at San Diego State University, coauthored a fascinating study completed in January, 2008. She, and another associated study found:
- Same sex partners are generally happier than their straight siblings who married.
- Gay couples take larger risks to live openly, thus they must work harder to stay together. By working harder to stay together, they end up creating happier relationships.
- Same sex couples automatically experience a greater sense of compatibility, possibly due to the fact that less “translation” is needed between the sexes. (Basically, when your partner is of the same sex as you, he/she is already at a communication advantage, as compared to heterosexual couples.)
- Same sex couples are:
- more honest with each other about monogamy and sex
- more mature, considerate, and fair to each other
- more funny and affectionate when they argue
- less controlling
- take things less personally
What do you think? Do you agree with these findings in your relationship?
Another study, by San Francisco local researcher Robert-Jay Green, PhD, in the Journal of Homosexuality, reported the same thing, but with a unique slant: There’s a growing body of research that shows that the partner who makes more moneyhas more power in the relationship. But, same sex couples tend to have similar incomes, so there’s less need to struggle over power.
Gay Couples Institute Research Team
In 2000, Vermont was the first state to legalize same-sex relationships, so that heterosexual and same-sex couples had the same legal rights. Published in February in Developmental Psychology was the first longitudinal study completed to examine same-sex couples in civil unions.
Researchers had 65 male and 138 female couples participate in the follow up study. Where do you think they are now? Are they still together?
They were compared with 23 male and 61 female same-sex couples not civil unionized, as well as being compared to 55 heterosexual couples.Of the 65 male and 138 female couples available to participate in the study:
- Same-sex couples not in civil unions were more likely to have separated.
- Same-sex couples (both unionized and not) reported lower levels of conflict, and greater levels of compatibility, intimacy and relationship quality than heterosexual couples.
- Having less conflict, as well as greater levels of outness, correlated with relationship happiness for male couples at the 3yr follow up.
- Having less conflict and having more frequent sex correlated with relationship happiness forfemale couples at the 3yr follow up.
So what could this mean?
- A formal commitment, recognized by the state, apparently helps same-sex couples stay together (at least at 3yr follow up).
- Working on your relationship helps; Improving your compatibility and working to decrease conflict with your partner increases the quality of your relationship. The Gay Couples Institute believes that couples therapy using the Gottman Method is probably the smartest vehicle to decrease conflict and improve intimacy.
- Being out significantly helps male couples. Talk about the pros/cons of this with your partner.
- Having frequent sex significantly helps female couples. Ladies, keep your sex life in good shape.
This educational information is not a tool for self-diagnosis or a substitute for professional care. Each persons’ situation is unique. GCI suggests that you personally consult a trusted professional prior to making changes in your relationship using this article or other advice. The Gay Couples Institute is committed to your success and is here for you.
Sincerely,
The Gay Couples Institute Research Team
www.GayCouplesInstitute.org
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Balsam, Kimberly F.; Beauchaine, Theodore P.; Rothblum, Esther D.; Developmental Psychology, Vol 44(1), Jan 2008. pp. 102-116.
Just coming out?
Maybe this article will be good for you to read.
Researchers at the University of Kentucky in Lexington surveyed over 500 gay men and women, inquiring about the positive aspects of being gay. Up until now, most of the research has focused on psychopathology, or negative mental health problems associated with being gay or lesbian.
But many gays and lesbians will tell you that there are positive aspects of such a life. In fact, they found 10 universal themes:
- Belonging to a community
- Creating families of choice
- Forging strong connections with others
- Serving as positive role models
- Developing empathy and compassion
- Living authentically and honestly
- Gaining personal insight and sense of self
- Involvement in social justice and activism
- Freedom from gender-specific roles
- Freedom to explore sexuality and relationships
What are some positive aspects you’ve noticed for yourself?
Many gays and lesbians enjoy the lack of “rules” about how to live one’s life. Some would argue that heterosexuals are raised to start dating in their teens, marry in their 20’s, and have children by age 30. The in-laws often start dropping the hint that they want a grandchild if you’re approaching 40 and haven’t had a child, right?
Nevertheless, gays and lesbians get to choose whether this life is right for them, and this freedom opens up possibilities for a happier life.
- Gay Couples Institute Research Team
The positive aspects of being a lesbian or gay man. Riggle, Ellen D. B.; Whitman, Joy S.; Olson, Amber; Professional Psychology: Research and Practice, Vol 39(2), Apr 2008. pp. 210-217.
