What does the research say about monogamous gay male relationships?

Many people assert arguments such as, ‘Men weren’t designed to have one partner, they’re biologically built procreate as often and as much as possible’.

But the biological argument often contradicts scientific research in developmental psychology showing that children are happier and healthier when raised by two loving parents. It then follows that to have two loving parents in a child’s life on a continuous basis, it’s best that they are in a committed monogamous relationship.

So what’s the right answer?

A researcher at the University of Windsor, Ontario, conducted a fascinating study examining gay male monogamy.

What he found was that:

1. Monogamous value systems were most often present in:
   • Younger gay couples
   • Men new to gay relationships
   • Men whose younger years were spent in cultures with little exposure to same-sex life

2. More common was an “allegiance” to masculine values of adventure and autonomy, and this extended to sexual life. Non-monogamy was often an assertion of sexual self-determination.

What do you think?

Monogamous values are more present in younger couples, but could it be that as gay men come out at younger ages, and as homosexuality is more accepted by the larger population, the interest in ’sexual self-determination’ will decrease?

- Gay Couples Institute Research Team

Relationship Innovation in Male Couples. Adam, Barry D.; Sexualities, Vol 9(1), Feb 2006. pp. 5-26.

Just coming out?

Maybe this article will be good for you to read.

Researchers at the University of Kentucky in Lexington surveyed over 500 gay men and women, inquiring about the positive aspects of being gay. Up until now, most of the research has focused on psychopathology, or negative mental health problems associated with being gay or lesbian.

But many gays and lesbians will tell you that there are positive aspects of such a life. In fact, they found 10 universal themes:

1. Belonging to a community
2. Creating families of choice
3. Forging strong connections with others
4. Serving as positive role models
5. Developing empathy and compassion
6. Living authentically and honestly
7. Gaining personal insight and sense of self
8. Involvement in social justice and activism
9. Freedom from gender-specific roles
10. Freedom to explore sexuality and relationships

What are some positive aspects you’ve noticed for yourself?

Many gays and lesbians enjoy the lack of “rules” about how to live one’s life. Some would argue that heterosexuals are raised to start dating in their teens, marry in their 20’s, and have children by age 30. The in-laws often start dropping the hint that they want a grandchild if you’re approaching 40 and haven’t had a child, right?

Nevertheless, gays and lesbians get to choose whether this life is right for them, and this freedom opens up possibilities for a happier life.

- Gay Couples Institute Research Team

Riggle, Ellen D. B.; Whitman, Joy S.; Olson, Amber; Professional Psychology: Research and Practice, Vol 39(2), Apr 2008. pp. 210-217.