Many couples in gay relationships struggle with stopping arguments. But are arguments really something to be avoided?

The country’s leading relationship researcher, John Gottman, PhD, has found in his 30 years of observational research that all relationships have disagreements, and even arguments at some point.

Arguments, by themselves, are not correlated with breakup, separation, or divorce. He found that all couples will, at some point during an argument:

• get defensive
• criticize one another
• get overwhelmed and walk away.

So should gay couples worry about these communication rough spots? Not really, BUT there is one pattern of communication you should avoid: contempt.

John Gottman defines contempt as basically talking down to your partner, like they’re a child who has done something wrong. Contempt has over a 90% correlation with separation/divorce.

So what does contempt look like?

(more…)

Do open relationships really work? Let’s find out.

Here’s the information you need to register for the web seminar series on open relationships.

The seminars are being held:
- Tuesday, June 24th, 12:30pm, (PST) Topic: Communication Skillbuilding - Part 1
- Wednesday, June 25th, 12:30pm, (PST). Topic: Is This Right For Me?
- Thursday, June 26th, 12:30pm, (PST). Topic: Communication Skillbuilding - Part 2
(if you can’t attend, as long as you’ve registered, you’ll get the downloadable audio file)

Only 15 total spaces are available so that everyone has a chance to ask questions of the expert. The Priority List nabbed all the spots, but I’ve received the ok for 6 more.

Watch this video for all the details now!

In 2000, Vermont was the first state to legalize same-sex relationships, so that heterosexual and same-sex couples had the same legal rights. Published in February in Developmental Psychology was the first longitudinal study completed to examine same-sex couples in civil unions.

Researchers had 65 male and 138 female couples participate in the follow up study. Where do you think they are now? Are they still together? (more…)

Gay open relationships are a really difficult topic for many couples. Clearly, an open relationship is right for some couples, and not right for others. Given so much pain caused by this topic (see below) we’re putting together a web seminar series for you.

In preparation for our seminar series on this topic, we conducted a survey of your major concerns. Here’s what you told us:

1. Is this right for me?…

• “My top fear is that my boyfriend wants to have an open relationship and I don’t want this. I’m trying to be “relaxed” but any time I think about him with another I feel just terrible.”

2. How do you maintain emotional monogamy:

• Is the key to open relationships to hold onto a sense of emotional monogamy with your committed partner and allowing the additional partners to be respectful playmates?
• Can one remain emotionally faithful to your partner while sleeping with other people?

3. How do you establish rules around this issue?…

• “Rules about what is/is not off limits (no friends, no repeats, no ex’s?)”
• “What are the alternatives to an open relationship? Is it the only alternative to sexual boredom that’s out there and if not what else is on the menu?”
• “Is it a “natural” progression for gay relationships?”
• “How can you “close” your open relationship if it turns out that this arrangement doesn’t work for you”

Do you have any opinions on this issue? Give us a comment below if so.