Dear Reader,
We’ve received over 44 emails with suggestions for the Ask The Expert Series coming to our Web Seminar workshops schedule.
I’m going to start the Expert series June 3rd, with sign up registration beginning between Monday, May 26th and Thursday, May 29th.
POST MORE OF YOUR IDEAS BELOW! Your suggestions so far have been great.
As many know, today California repealed the ban on same sex marriage. Couples started filing into the city clerk’s office in San Francisco just 20 minutes after the 4 to 3 decision was released.
Julie Scearce, 45, and Paula Bocciardi, 52, of the West Portal neighborhood in SF, were the first couple to line up. Way to go.
The Clerk’s office said that they must wait 30 days for the decision to actually go into effect before marrying people, but they’re putting all the couples on a list. Wanna have a summer wedding? Now’s your chance.
It’s worth noting the findings of a study done on same sex couples who received civil unions in Vermont in 2000.
It found:
- Same-sex couples not in civil unions were more likely to have separated.
- Same-sex couples (both unionized and not) reported lower levels of conflict, and greater levels of compatibility, intimacy and relationship quality than heterosexual couples.
Basically, as is the case for heterosexual couples, if you’re married you’re more likely to work through the hard times and not separate. Same sex couples also seem to work harder at keeping their relationship happy and healthy. Would you agree?
Congratulations to all the happy couples getting on the list at City Hall!
Sound familiar?
Does this happen at your house?
I hope not. It’s a predictor of divorce and breakup.
The typical situation: Your significant-other brings up something they want you to do.
- Take out the garbage.
- Clean the cat litter.
- Call your family.
- Wash the car.
In response to hearing this AGAIN, you pretend to do something else, putting up a conversational blockade. You’re hoping that the request will just disappear and go away, right?
John Gottman, the country’s leading relationship researcher, says that you’re actually trying to soothe yourself and calm down. Something about the request is overwhelming. Maybe you don’t like being told what to do. Maybe your dad used to nag you about the trash (Are you reading this, Dad?).
The problem is that your attempt to blockade the request will actually make your partner MORE mad. It is seen and felt as an act of aggression, be it a passive one. When researched, it’s also one thing that couples tend to do as their relationship is on the decline.
As a suggestion, rather than blocking out the request, turn to your partner and tell them that you’re overwhelmed by the request. Compromise on a time to deal with it later (then follow through and do it). I’ve seen this tactic help many couples in the past move beyond this ‘blockade behavior’.
- Gay Couples Institute Research Team
