Dear Readers,

We have 131 people on our list who are eagerly awaiting our coming workshop. This is great! If you’d like a preview of the exercises covered, and to get a table of contents of the workshop manual, just go to:

http://www.gaycouplesinstitute.org/video.htm and put your email in. 

You’ll also get an invitation to the workshop when registration opens in a few days. 

Some of the exercises we’re teaching couples:

• HOUR 1: How Relationships Last Long-Term: Restoring Affection and Excitement
• HOUR 2: Long Term Relationships: Using Your Relationship To De-Stress
• HOUR 3: Managing Conflict: Overcoming The 6 Common Areas Couples Fight About
• HOUR 4: Managing Conflict: Compromising and Negotiating Power

This should address your major concerns:

1. “we need to learn to communicate”
2. “help us stop arguing”
3. “I can’t trust my partner anymore”

So how much should we charge, given that you’re receiving FOUR HOURS of packed information designed to improve your relationship? (If you don’t like the workshop you get your money back, no questions asked, BTW.)

Not everyone is paying full price! For the first two couples who sign up, you’ll get a nice discount for offering your suggestions and comments all along.

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We’re only allowing 6 couples per workshop date, so that everyone gets the individualized attention they want. Don’t forget: If you want to be on the priority notification list, just make sure your email is here: http://www.gaycouplesinstitute.org/video.htm . 

Thanks for helping us make this possible through your suggestions and support!

So you’ve been on a couple dates and things are going great. You’re excited, and you hope your date is too.

Then a couple days go by and you get texted…. “I can’t hang out Friday night…” or “Really busy this week can I call you next week?”

By now, you’re wondering: Oh My God, he/she is so great, are they losing interest? What do I do? I don’t want to pester anyone, but I want this one to work out!

The Gay Couples Institute is continuing John Gottman’s research on gay/lesbian relationships. Here’s a little of what we know so far about dating and relationships.

Couples begin by building their friendship. You should concentrate on this too! There are three tasks to accomplish during this stage:

1. Get to know each other. What does he do all week? What activities does he enjoy? What’s her family like? Who were his best friends in high school? What was it like for him to come out? You and your date will grow closer as you know each other’s background.
2. To develop a fondness for each other. What makes him unique? What hobbies or personal interests does she have that make you think “Wow, she’s really cool.”
3. When your date makes an overture for your attention, turn toward it (acknowledge it) immediately. These consistent acknowledgements contribute to the “emotional bank account” that exists between the two of you. It’s a way of keeping the ball in play, the conversation moving forward. When you get a text message or phone call, respond. No game playing.

So what to do when he’s not turning toward you very often?

1. Relax. Your job is to turn toward him when he bids for your attention. You’re doing plenty to increase the bank account.
2. Don’t make too big of a deposit into your ‘bank account’ too early. Roses can be a BIG ‘turn toward’ your date, but on the first date this may be a bit much. Small bids in the beginning accomplish more. You can: Ask your date about themselves (show you’re interested - #1 above), show up on time (accomplishing #3), and compliment him/her on what makes them interesting (#2 above).

We’re here to help. If you’re looking to nurture the friendship of your new relationship, or you’ve been together a while but need a re-charge to your friendship, the Gay Couples Institute is having our first web seminar about dating on May 20th, which specifically addresses this further. Sign up here: http://www.gaycouplesinstitute.org/workshops.htm

Sincerely,

Gay Couples Institute Research Team

In 2000, Vermont was the first state to legalize same-sex relationships, so that heterosexual and same-sex couples had the same legal rights. Published in February in Developmental Psychology was the first longitudinal study completed to examine same-sex couples in civil unions.